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My Christmas Resolutions
By Eloise Owens | December 14, 2009
The heck with New Year’s…let’s start some new traditions. How about some Christmas Resolutions. For my Jewish friends, sorry but us Christmas people have gotta start doing things differently. Let’s start with the gifts…
1. It’s time to realize that your 16 year old son will not be wowed by most everything you buy that doesn’t involve a remote and shooting things. My resolution – give them underwear! Lots of them. Then just smile when he looks at you like you’re insane. Start the tradition and lower their expectations!
2. Wives, quit trying to prepare the house as if Martha Stewart has you on web cam and is evaluating you! Keep your decorating real. Sure, light it up, make it smell like a pine forest, and be sure that the cat can’t see their reflection in any tree bulbs! (That comes from years of experience with crazy cats that think they see a predator in the reflection and pounce headfirst into the tree. Crash!!!! ) Not good.
3. Husbands, notice that your wife has grown weary of the kitchen – cooking, scrubbing, icing, and cleaning up – again. Give her the gift that keeps on giving – offer to take over the kitchen duties for a day – a whole day. Why not December 25th? Make it an annual tradition – Dad is master of the kitchen all day! I promise your wife will pay you back in wonderful, wonderful ways.
4. Wives, pay your husband back in wonderful, wonderful, ways.
5. This one is a killer but try it and see how much more fun it is opening up your presents. Start from youngest to oldest and open up the presents by age. Little Johnny goes first. Then older sister Sarah goes next. But the trick is that Little Johnny must now put down his gift and pay attention to what his sister Sarah gets. It’s painful but helps develop character – Christmas character.
Here’s my kids years ago developing Christmas character.
6. If you have children under the age of ten, hmmm…ok maybe 20, make sure that all the presents come out even. Because if little Johnny gets an extra one and sister Sarah doesn’t, then sister will have a lowered sense of self esteem and will remind you for the next ten years that she was robbed! Even if you have to put an extra pair of underwear in the present mix to even it out – do it.
7. Don’t let your family come in from out of town and leave them with nothing to do. The family chit chat lasts for about an hour – now what are you going to do? This is how politics come into the conversations and fist fights start – boredom. Keep the family occupied with activities – games like Apples to Apples (take out the political questions), pictionary (take out the Obama’s ears drawings) or maybe a few hours of Crazy 8’s to break up the day. Note: Stay away from games where you have to lie like, “I Doubt It.” You don’t want to resurrect any old family wounds and start WW III.
I can’t wait for the holidays. How about you?
Happy Holiday Survival!
Love,
Elf Eloise
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December 15th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Love it! You always make me laugh….